Get Out of Your Own Way: Putting an End to Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Self-sabotage could be defined as deciding you want something and then making sure it doesn’t happen. Have you ever found yourself close to achieving a goal, only to throw it all away at the last moment? Did you look back later and kick yourself for being so foolish? Most of us have.

Why did you do this? There are several possible explanations, ranging from a need to control the situation to feeling unworthy. But regardless of the cause, the solutions are similar.

Eliminate self-sabotage from your life using these tips:

1.      Observe yourself. Look back at the times you’ve sabotaged yourself or come up short. You probably try to justify the sabotaging behavior in your mind. But, ignore the reasons and just observe the behavior. What conclusion would a casual observer draw from your behavior?

·         Learn to notice the signs of self-sabotage. How and when do you do it? Be objective and recognize your patterns.

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2.      Remember that success isn’t perfect. Sometimes we quit because things aren’t turning out the way we imagined. Setting more reasonable expectations can help ensure that you’re seeing things through to the end. Nothing in life is ever perfect.

·         For instance, maybe you’re in a great relationship, but you imagined there wouldn’t be any disagreements. That isn’t a practical expectation. Another common issue: Making a lot of money is helpful, but it won’t solve all of your challenges.

3.      Consider the other people in your life. Self-sabotaging behavior is selfish. You’re hurting yourself and others.

·         Before you throw in the towel, consider how it will affect those around you. That might provide enough motivation to continue pressing forward.

4.      Be willing to be adventurous. Those who self-sabotage tend to stay in their own little worlds. Seeing a project through to completion means adjusting your outlook. Whether it’s a different job, a new relationship, or something else, your life will be changed to a certain degree. Be brave enough to take that adventure.

·         If you tend to start new projects, but then stop yourself before ever completing them, nothing will ever change and you’ve just wasted time.

5.      Start small. Give yourself the gift of having a few small successes. Then take the time to notice that these successes aren’t perfect, but they still made your life better.

·         Enjoy the victory and imagine how great it would be to accomplish greater successes.

6.      Take some time before making major decisions. Before making a big decision, give yourself some time to think about it. Decisions can be impulsive. A few days can give you the perspective you require to make a wise decision.

Self-sabotage can be frustrating. In the moment, it might seem like you’re making a good choice, but eventually the truth becomes more apparent. It’s easy to beat yourself up over your self-sabotaging behavior, but that can make it even harder for you to succeed the next time.

Be good to yourself and avoid “shooting yourself in the foot” with self-sabotage. You can and will be successful!

Preconceived Notions about Life and – Snakes By Suzanne Holman

How do you react when you see a snake or some other reptile?

Many people are super frightened and want to kill any snake that they may see near their home.We’re not born with any fears except the fear of falling and of loud noises. Other fears and phobias develop as a result of what others have shared with us as we’ve grown up.

That fear of reptiles develops from the conditioning from parents and others who have acquired the fear from their predecessors.

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As a child I went to a day camp where one of the activities was going to the “snake pit” where we would sit around the edge and the handler would pick up snakes for us to handle. I loved the little ring-necked snakes….about 8 – 10 inches long. Fun to hold. At the snake pit, I learned some of the characteristics of poisonous snakes – the flattened head, a small depression between the eyes and sometimes a “rattle” for a tail.

My parents didn’t instill a huge fear in me…. I learned the value of snakes in controlling rodents. We lived on the edge of some woods though and seeing a snake in the shed where we kept gardening supplies was a little startling.

Another unforgettable experience was when our basset hound yelped from the other room when we were living in a very large older home. That large black snake definitely didn’t belong in my kitchen…. Quickly removed, safely from the house, with the help of a large shovel.

Recently I had the opportunity to attend an event at my grandsons’ school where “The Reptile Man” showed quite a variety of reptiles to the enthralled audience of children. HIs loving attitude toward his animals quickly spread to the children and they were all excited at any opportunity to go up with him to be part of handling the animals. He had a cute name for all of them…..like Sheila the Gila – monster. He was very clear about leaving snakes alone in the wild. They like to be left alone. And poisonous snakes are not to be reckoned with. He described in detail the effects of poisonous snake bites. He taught the difference between realistic caution and unfounded fears.

To see the throngs of children lining up to have their picture taken with either a small alligator or a huge snake was amazing! They knew these creatures were safe because of being raised in captivity. With careful education, they knew that they could be close to these animals. The generalization that all reptiles are scary was dropped by these kids for sure.

You may be wondering what this discussion has to do with your life. What negative conditioning have you received that is affecting your mindset? Are there things that you are not attempting because you have generalized your fears about trying something new or going to different places?

If you can just think rationally about opportunities rather than reacting quickly from your preconceived notions, you may very well find yourself getting beyond stuck and moving on to new experiences. Think back over the last few days or weeks. Where have you made quick decisions without getting beyond the old beliefs that may or may not be reality?

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